2008 Antonie thinks about the big questions in life

What are we living for - what are we dying for - Elizabeth asks in the film pirates of the Caribbean / at the Worlds end.
Great question. It is in fact a philosophical question.
The first 25 years of my live it was unconscious, going to parties, discos and hanging around with friends - that was the most important thing in my life. My friends married, built up a house, got children and some divorced.. On Sunday they went to church and in the eventing fought at the table against each other.
Is that what we are living for? That's it?
What do we leave at the time we die? A nice house to our children? That's it?
And what have we moved in the world - what did we change? The garden in front of the house?

There is a matter of fact that "darkness" and "goodness" came on the planet with the development of human beings.
Before there was just nature! Looking for food to eat and to expand ones own kind of being. That was it.
Dying was always present but not in a judged way. It was balance for each individual and every individual was part of the whole nature - with all costs.
What did happen to us?
We got mind, a will.
What have we done?
And what can we do?

Stepping forth and say: I do it different! I change myself, I want to know why, I am uncomfortable for others, I am not to buy with luxury, I am not adjusted. To say:
I questioning myself, I am aware that I doing wrong things but I try to change it! Again and again! With the cost of loneliness, with the price not to have the great career, with the price that many people around me can not and do not want to follow when I want to talk about something.
And even with the price to realize at the very end, that this is not about me. What "I" did.
This about a greater thing I am only embedded in not even understanding of the great game going on.
So what are we living for - what are you dying for? Would you die, if you will know there will be greater place - others get a chance?
Martin L. King felt his murder days before it happen. He knew the price. M. Gandhi knew the price.
And what do we do?

And then all the daily stuff - trying but still being so beginner.
I really complain with myself. I do meditation, I do write, I do yoga, I am on that level of writing "wise" text!
BUT I feel so small. I feel so scratched. Knowing so much and suffer from the smallest problems with my own.
And behave wrong in situations where I know that I shall behave different.
Maybe it is like written in Bleep - down the rabbit whole: I am conditioned to my old behaviour. And to change that is hard work and frustrating.

For a good start in the new year a Meditation for you if you like:

My wise yoga teacher tough me to meditate to the inner centre. To the inner light.
The secret with the inner light is easy. What we expect from outside like "God" "illumination or enlightenment" , "Wisdom" - you do not find in the outer world. It is inside.
You want to try?
Do it regularly, in quiet place. shut down TV, music and telephone.
Sit well and relaxed on a chair or in a way you can sit for a while without movement.
Close your eyes.
Observe your breath. If thought arise, observe them, and let them go again without going into it.
Observe how your breath goes into your inner centre of your body. Feel were it is for you.
Some may have it near to the heart area, some behind some a little higher or deeper.

Observe your breath flowing into the centre without influencing the breath or the centre with "thoughts how it should be".
Just be.
Start first only with 5-10 min. Then expand the better you get free of thoughts.
Do it without intention or expectations.
Take that time every day - just for you.
And I am very sure it will do you good and you will increase concentration. And maybe reached answers.

I am working on that.