Yesterday I wrote about what my concerns are. And it is the best example to focus on negative - a concern. If my thoughts are on that topic, the energy flows there. To concentrate on things I want is quite a different energy. A easy example: Instead of thinking: against war - think: peace. Against war makes 'aggressive' because one is fighting against something one do not want (see me yesterday). But to change and focus on: I am for happiness, fun and peace is different. To be against something concentrates on the subject 'of against' and sends energy to it. My thoughts. Instead of sending the thoughts to peace. That does not mean to ignore the negative things on planet. No. It means the recognize and then focus on positive solution instead of hanging around in concern 'against...'. Like me yesterday. Mother Teresa said: If you make a demonstration against war - do not ask me; but if you go for peace, tell me and I will come.
She new the secret of energy flow and the power of concentrated consciousness. I was not aware of all of that. And today - still -I walk in old habits, which are so well known and used to me. To change is really hard work. But I think, to make mistakes is not the problem. The problem is not to recognize and change.
With the yoga sutras - Patanjali - I started to realize that even thousands of years ago, people thought about life, energy and connection between human being and outer world. One part of he sutras talk about the competence of differentiation - what is good for me, which is not. And the decision in a conscious way, to choose. - 'this time I do it different, as all the times before'. Why is that so hard? Observe yourself in every second and how you react on situations and people, events and so on. If you do not like your reaction just change it. Well, seems pretty easy - but just try it in daily life. The mind is influenced and we react on old samples.
In bleep 1 - the book, it is explained in a scientific way. The brain has a part in which decisions are made. They found out, that people with a special illness are not able to make a decision if both issues are 'right' and they have to choose one of them. But they can choose by saying one is wrong and the other right. So the brain is limited to its learned behaviours. A lot of people decide by a daily trained behaviour. Me too - often enough! And the next point is, if we start to think about it and say: well, today I decide different, not in the old fashion way - this new decision is limited to the brain border of our 'known' world-picture. But the real interesting thing is the quite unknown. Where we NEVER were. To allow new thoughts. Most people prefer to reject what is not in their world image. But then I exclude a greater reality, greater than me and all the unexpected possibilities, of which I NOW have no idea of. I reject them to come into my life and change.
To change from victim of life and change oneself would be a great start to improve life and love on this planet. To start at oneself.
I return to my studies and will see how I improve . Have a great day.
Samstag, 23. Januar 2010
2008 Antonie thinks about the big questions in life
What are we living for - what are we dying for - Elizabeth asks in the film pirates of the Caribbean / at the Worlds end.
Great question. It is in fact a philosophical question.
The first 25 years of my live it was unconscious, going to parties, discos and hanging around with friends - that was the most important thing in my life. My friends married, built up a house, got children and some divorced.. On Sunday they went to church and in the eventing fought at the table against each other.
Is that what we are living for? That's it?
What do we leave at the time we die? A nice house to our children? That's it?
And what have we moved in the world - what did we change? The garden in front of the house?
There is a matter of fact that "darkness" and "goodness" came on the planet with the development of human beings.
Before there was just nature! Looking for food to eat and to expand ones own kind of being. That was it.
Dying was always present but not in a judged way. It was balance for each individual and every individual was part of the whole nature - with all costs.
What did happen to us?
We got mind, a will.
What have we done?
And what can we do?
Stepping forth and say: I do it different! I change myself, I want to know why, I am uncomfortable for others, I am not to buy with luxury, I am not adjusted. To say:
I questioning myself, I am aware that I doing wrong things but I try to change it! Again and again! With the cost of loneliness, with the price not to have the great career, with the price that many people around me can not and do not want to follow when I want to talk about something.
And even with the price to realize at the very end, that this is not about me. What "I" did.
This about a greater thing I am only embedded in not even understanding of the great game going on.
So what are we living for - what are you dying for? Would you die, if you will know there will be greater place - others get a chance?
Martin L. King felt his murder days before it happen. He knew the price. M. Gandhi knew the price.
And what do we do?
And then all the daily stuff - trying but still being so beginner.
I really complain with myself. I do meditation, I do write, I do yoga, I am on that level of writing "wise" text!
BUT I feel so small. I feel so scratched. Knowing so much and suffer from the smallest problems with my own.
And behave wrong in situations where I know that I shall behave different.
Maybe it is like written in Bleep - down the rabbit whole: I am conditioned to my old behaviour. And to change that is hard work and frustrating.
For a good start in the new year a Meditation for you if you like:
My wise yoga teacher tough me to meditate to the inner centre. To the inner light.
The secret with the inner light is easy. What we expect from outside like "God" "illumination or enlightenment" , "Wisdom" - you do not find in the outer world. It is inside.
You want to try?
Do it regularly, in quiet place. shut down TV, music and telephone.
Sit well and relaxed on a chair or in a way you can sit for a while without movement.
Close your eyes.
Observe your breath. If thought arise, observe them, and let them go again without going into it.
Observe how your breath goes into your inner centre of your body. Feel were it is for you.
Some may have it near to the heart area, some behind some a little higher or deeper.
Observe your breath flowing into the centre without influencing the breath or the centre with "thoughts how it should be".
Just be.
Start first only with 5-10 min. Then expand the better you get free of thoughts.
Do it without intention or expectations.
Take that time every day - just for you.
And I am very sure it will do you good and you will increase concentration. And maybe reached answers.
I am working on that.
Great question. It is in fact a philosophical question.
The first 25 years of my live it was unconscious, going to parties, discos and hanging around with friends - that was the most important thing in my life. My friends married, built up a house, got children and some divorced.. On Sunday they went to church and in the eventing fought at the table against each other.
Is that what we are living for? That's it?
What do we leave at the time we die? A nice house to our children? That's it?
And what have we moved in the world - what did we change? The garden in front of the house?
There is a matter of fact that "darkness" and "goodness" came on the planet with the development of human beings.
Before there was just nature! Looking for food to eat and to expand ones own kind of being. That was it.
Dying was always present but not in a judged way. It was balance for each individual and every individual was part of the whole nature - with all costs.
What did happen to us?
We got mind, a will.
What have we done?
And what can we do?
Stepping forth and say: I do it different! I change myself, I want to know why, I am uncomfortable for others, I am not to buy with luxury, I am not adjusted. To say:
I questioning myself, I am aware that I doing wrong things but I try to change it! Again and again! With the cost of loneliness, with the price not to have the great career, with the price that many people around me can not and do not want to follow when I want to talk about something.
And even with the price to realize at the very end, that this is not about me. What "I" did.
This about a greater thing I am only embedded in not even understanding of the great game going on.
So what are we living for - what are you dying for? Would you die, if you will know there will be greater place - others get a chance?
Martin L. King felt his murder days before it happen. He knew the price. M. Gandhi knew the price.
And what do we do?
And then all the daily stuff - trying but still being so beginner.
I really complain with myself. I do meditation, I do write, I do yoga, I am on that level of writing "wise" text!
BUT I feel so small. I feel so scratched. Knowing so much and suffer from the smallest problems with my own.
And behave wrong in situations where I know that I shall behave different.
Maybe it is like written in Bleep - down the rabbit whole: I am conditioned to my old behaviour. And to change that is hard work and frustrating.
For a good start in the new year a Meditation for you if you like:
My wise yoga teacher tough me to meditate to the inner centre. To the inner light.
The secret with the inner light is easy. What we expect from outside like "God" "illumination or enlightenment" , "Wisdom" - you do not find in the outer world. It is inside.
You want to try?
Do it regularly, in quiet place. shut down TV, music and telephone.
Sit well and relaxed on a chair or in a way you can sit for a while without movement.
Close your eyes.
Observe your breath. If thought arise, observe them, and let them go again without going into it.
Observe how your breath goes into your inner centre of your body. Feel were it is for you.
Some may have it near to the heart area, some behind some a little higher or deeper.
Observe your breath flowing into the centre without influencing the breath or the centre with "thoughts how it should be".
Just be.
Start first only with 5-10 min. Then expand the better you get free of thoughts.
Do it without intention or expectations.
Take that time every day - just for you.
And I am very sure it will do you good and you will increase concentration. And maybe reached answers.
I am working on that.
Dec 2008 - Antonie reflects her life
I have vacation, and due to the fact that I do not have a car at the moment (crash), I spend most of the time at home. During the year I was more than busy. And I do not know how often I wished to have a day off. Now I have.
With all consequences.
My mind starts to bring up all that well covered feelings during busy year.
It is a feeling of sadness. I feel it in my mind and in my heart - physically. It rolls over me like a wave from my heart over my neck. So I just close my eyes and sit there for minutes in this mood.
Usually I am the therapist who should know what to do. Yes, I can go jogging, walking, meeting friends - but it does not change the source only the symptom. For some hours. I do not know if it is different, if somebody is around. But I think, it would help to talk to a person of full trust and deep connection. Maybe only someone who takes me in his arms without words and intention. Just only to be there so that I can stand the feeling of sadness.
But there is none.
Someone said to me, that even in a relationship you can feel very alone.
But in such cases - it is not a relationship for me.
It is now 6 years ago that my last "love story" ended. It was dramatic like Romeo and Julia. And with the same desperate feelings of deep love and against all odds. I quit before it came to the very dramatic end. But I know how devoted one can be in love. And the deep feeling of broken heart. I do not know how many tears I have cried in the night, evenings of deepest pain in the breast and suffer of the loneliness.
But I have learned my lessons.
So I surrender and rejected public for a long time. One year ago I started to meet men again.
But it is so heard.
The basement of a relationship for me is deep friendship and trust. I can not trust if I do not know that person. But that takes time. I can not make sex with a man, which 3 month later I recognize, he never understood me. I know the feeling of sudden love at first view. The emotions, heartbeat, fire. But what counts after months and years? I still have that deep feeling of love to my Ex-boy friend but I am aware that it has nothing to do with this material world we living in. I discovered that there is love on a deep soul level, but it could be that it never has a chance in life. Because the circumstances in world give not the possibilities.
So I met men, but those who were interested resigned by the time I told them, that I want firstly know them better before saying my intention is love...(mostly sex for men). I think trust takes time and is based on understanding each other.
Who of the men want to be only friend with a woman? Why do we not take the time of knowing each other better before passion?
I am studying the movement of the soul and I am a therapist. I practice yoga and study its philosophy. I do meditate. I fight for the right, for wisdom and truth. And against illusion. Starting with my inner self.
And at the latest NOW most of the men resign. It is a way where most men do not like to go. They try to impress me with expensive cars, business manners and being cool. The thing with "impressing" me does not work in such way. They feel it very well and so they turn away to keep to their surface with a nice blonde high-heeled Lady. Maybe that makes me desperate.
And by writing that I feel the deep sadness in me. That I do help people, but there is no one out there who just understand and stands next to me to say: I support you on your way as well as you do with me.
Someone told be, if I go this way I will be very alone because most of people are afraid of what I am doing.
Maybe it is the fate of those who do not keep to social standards and fears.
But I would never give up my way only to be part of this illusion.
With every price I have to pay.
Have a great time.
With all consequences.
My mind starts to bring up all that well covered feelings during busy year.
It is a feeling of sadness. I feel it in my mind and in my heart - physically. It rolls over me like a wave from my heart over my neck. So I just close my eyes and sit there for minutes in this mood.
Usually I am the therapist who should know what to do. Yes, I can go jogging, walking, meeting friends - but it does not change the source only the symptom. For some hours. I do not know if it is different, if somebody is around. But I think, it would help to talk to a person of full trust and deep connection. Maybe only someone who takes me in his arms without words and intention. Just only to be there so that I can stand the feeling of sadness.
But there is none.
Someone said to me, that even in a relationship you can feel very alone.
But in such cases - it is not a relationship for me.
It is now 6 years ago that my last "love story" ended. It was dramatic like Romeo and Julia. And with the same desperate feelings of deep love and against all odds. I quit before it came to the very dramatic end. But I know how devoted one can be in love. And the deep feeling of broken heart. I do not know how many tears I have cried in the night, evenings of deepest pain in the breast and suffer of the loneliness.
But I have learned my lessons.
So I surrender and rejected public for a long time. One year ago I started to meet men again.
But it is so heard.
The basement of a relationship for me is deep friendship and trust. I can not trust if I do not know that person. But that takes time. I can not make sex with a man, which 3 month later I recognize, he never understood me. I know the feeling of sudden love at first view. The emotions, heartbeat, fire. But what counts after months and years? I still have that deep feeling of love to my Ex-boy friend but I am aware that it has nothing to do with this material world we living in. I discovered that there is love on a deep soul level, but it could be that it never has a chance in life. Because the circumstances in world give not the possibilities.
So I met men, but those who were interested resigned by the time I told them, that I want firstly know them better before saying my intention is love...(mostly sex for men). I think trust takes time and is based on understanding each other.
Who of the men want to be only friend with a woman? Why do we not take the time of knowing each other better before passion?
I am studying the movement of the soul and I am a therapist. I practice yoga and study its philosophy. I do meditate. I fight for the right, for wisdom and truth. And against illusion. Starting with my inner self.
And at the latest NOW most of the men resign. It is a way where most men do not like to go. They try to impress me with expensive cars, business manners and being cool. The thing with "impressing" me does not work in such way. They feel it very well and so they turn away to keep to their surface with a nice blonde high-heeled Lady. Maybe that makes me desperate.
And by writing that I feel the deep sadness in me. That I do help people, but there is no one out there who just understand and stands next to me to say: I support you on your way as well as you do with me.
Someone told be, if I go this way I will be very alone because most of people are afraid of what I am doing.
Maybe it is the fate of those who do not keep to social standards and fears.
But I would never give up my way only to be part of this illusion.
With every price I have to pay.
Have a great time.
the wisdom of the Lord of the rings
The story of Lord of the rings lives in every one every day again. The orcs are our fear, the greed, proud, conceit, jealousy, arrogance, classification, prejudice and so on. Mostly they are not evident. They hide in the dark like in the story of the film. We are the wearer of the ring.
The ring is what we have to challenge and fulfil in live...
Frodo says: I cannot do this alone...
The Elb Queen says: to wear the ring is to be alone (to go the path of inner light).
There are fellowship and friends at the side. But to face the challenges insight means to be alone.
"And if you can not find a way - no one will" - only you can find your inner way - no one else can do it for you, no one else can fight against the inner fear, no one else can feel what you are feeling like no one can feel the hunger you feel it. This is very personally.
And even the smallest person can change the course of the future, the Elb-Queen says.
There will always be temptation, the short cut - just to have power in a short and "nice" way. But if you use the short cut you build on sand. There is no power but illusion. Illusion that you are special - but you are not. Everyone is equal to another and full of light in the same way. Only the attributes and covers like a cape of us are different and the way we wear our rings. And if we say "yes" to the challenge the ring brings - or ignore it which bring slavery like Frodo saw in the fountain mirrow.
The power of light is silent. It comes not with "hardware power". This power is illusion. The power of light comes unseen as a butterfly - it never says "what you shall do" like Sadoman says to the Orcs. The power of light leaves your challenges to your solution. But the power of light is there with destiny when you do not imagine and need it most.
If you watch Lord of the rings - watch it with our inner eye, all your characteristics. What are Orcs and what are your fellowships -
and where is your inner Gandalf with wisdom? Where is Frodo with brave and discipline? Where is Aragon - your inner fighter of the truth but also full of fear to take over the big responsibility...
And where is your hidden devil? Will you become a white wizard by winning over your biggest fear (the devil in Moria).
Or are you Godomir who lives in illusion but dies for his friends...
Frodo says: I wish the ring had never come to me (I wish I did not recognize that I can not move on in illusion... and see what I really have to do..)
Gandalf: So all wish to see it in such times, but it is not for them to decide!
All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us...
And will you fight against your greatest fear inside (the devil of moira) to become the white wizard at the end?
Or Aragon who gives love and life to death for the truth..
Everyone of us can live the story every day in many situations of life. And every one can be stand up for inner development and light without speaking one word...
That changes your world.
Love and peace
Antonie
The ring is what we have to challenge and fulfil in live...
Frodo says: I cannot do this alone...
The Elb Queen says: to wear the ring is to be alone (to go the path of inner light).
There are fellowship and friends at the side. But to face the challenges insight means to be alone.
"And if you can not find a way - no one will" - only you can find your inner way - no one else can do it for you, no one else can fight against the inner fear, no one else can feel what you are feeling like no one can feel the hunger you feel it. This is very personally.
And even the smallest person can change the course of the future, the Elb-Queen says.
There will always be temptation, the short cut - just to have power in a short and "nice" way. But if you use the short cut you build on sand. There is no power but illusion. Illusion that you are special - but you are not. Everyone is equal to another and full of light in the same way. Only the attributes and covers like a cape of us are different and the way we wear our rings. And if we say "yes" to the challenge the ring brings - or ignore it which bring slavery like Frodo saw in the fountain mirrow.
The power of light is silent. It comes not with "hardware power". This power is illusion. The power of light comes unseen as a butterfly - it never says "what you shall do" like Sadoman says to the Orcs. The power of light leaves your challenges to your solution. But the power of light is there with destiny when you do not imagine and need it most.
If you watch Lord of the rings - watch it with our inner eye, all your characteristics. What are Orcs and what are your fellowships -
and where is your inner Gandalf with wisdom? Where is Frodo with brave and discipline? Where is Aragon - your inner fighter of the truth but also full of fear to take over the big responsibility...
And where is your hidden devil? Will you become a white wizard by winning over your biggest fear (the devil in Moria).
Or are you Godomir who lives in illusion but dies for his friends...
Frodo says: I wish the ring had never come to me (I wish I did not recognize that I can not move on in illusion... and see what I really have to do..)
Gandalf: So all wish to see it in such times, but it is not for them to decide!
All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us...
And will you fight against your greatest fear inside (the devil of moira) to become the white wizard at the end?
Or Aragon who gives love and life to death for the truth..
Everyone of us can live the story every day in many situations of life. And every one can be stand up for inner development and light without speaking one word...
That changes your world.
Love and peace
Antonie
the key
The sun goes down on a September evening. It is still warm, but the first colours of the leaves signs the letter of fall. Times flows in a never-ending flow, like the waves rushes against the cliffs. Not to bring back or to return nor to see the next waves intention.
The birds are preparing for the flight over the Alps to Africa - the inner sound calls them to go. Their songs trail away with the last sun shines...
So as the rhythm of nature flows I see my life. Who I was, who I am, and sometimes who I will be. What is the key?
I see the changes in my live through pain and sorrow, self judgement and sometimes without hope - but disappeared again... What is the key?
My way was full of obstacles but by asking why I was able to move on... to change..
I do not see where I go... but I see the way... I do not hear the answers... but I understand it well...
Is there a greater order, rules of nature in destiny or physics and spirit? So what is the key?
Is the key destiny?
Is the key the change?
Is the key physics?
Is the key the way in front or the way behind? Or both?
Is the key love?
But maybe the key is not of interest - maybe the key makes not sense...
maybe it is the keyhole to understand...
love to you all
Antonie
The birds are preparing for the flight over the Alps to Africa - the inner sound calls them to go. Their songs trail away with the last sun shines...
So as the rhythm of nature flows I see my life. Who I was, who I am, and sometimes who I will be. What is the key?
I see the changes in my live through pain and sorrow, self judgement and sometimes without hope - but disappeared again... What is the key?
My way was full of obstacles but by asking why I was able to move on... to change..
I do not see where I go... but I see the way... I do not hear the answers... but I understand it well...
Is there a greater order, rules of nature in destiny or physics and spirit? So what is the key?
Is the key destiny?
Is the key the change?
Is the key physics?
Is the key the way in front or the way behind? Or both?
Is the key love?
But maybe the key is not of interest - maybe the key makes not sense...
maybe it is the keyhole to understand...
love to you all
Antonie
What is spirituality - words or living?
It is late ev and I am sitting on the sofa, writing and thinking about the weekend. In the background one of my favourite songs are playing: contraclipse by rickenbassplayer (Frederic Laforet).
Fall has started with rain and wind and for me there is no need to be busy outside any longer. So I reflect my last weekend in Kassel where I was joining my yoga training for becoming a yoga teacher. I realized that I am one of the busiest woman.
And then I hear a lot of people talking about spirituality.
Then they ask me, why I not change my job. I am working in a company and I am responsible for the Quality in IT world wide. It is a high pressure and could be challenging. Now the people ask my, why I not quit and do yoga retreats or what ever. Indeed I had the chance in spring.
I did not quit. And I start to understand why. I have a lot of talks day by day with employees and "head of-s". And the task is to connect hard daily schedule, goals and projects together with spirituality and kindness but under the rule of organisation structure of a company.
And then I think about the people who say I shall quit.
I think, it is easy to meditate in a cave somewhere in the mountains... but is it reality?
Isn't it much more to get up every morning, having a schedule which must be fulfilled, talks with a lot of people who are not spiritual and to push employees, because it is my job, but on the same time be spiritual?
I think everyone has its own way on this planet. And I think it is good to check time by time, if the way to "spirituality" is sometimes a avoiding / a way around of discipline, hard work on your own and support for others without fame or glory...
The most spiritual workers, I found them in a daily life job in silence.
Fall has started with rain and wind and for me there is no need to be busy outside any longer. So I reflect my last weekend in Kassel where I was joining my yoga training for becoming a yoga teacher. I realized that I am one of the busiest woman.
And then I hear a lot of people talking about spirituality.
Then they ask me, why I not change my job. I am working in a company and I am responsible for the Quality in IT world wide. It is a high pressure and could be challenging. Now the people ask my, why I not quit and do yoga retreats or what ever. Indeed I had the chance in spring.
I did not quit. And I start to understand why. I have a lot of talks day by day with employees and "head of-s". And the task is to connect hard daily schedule, goals and projects together with spirituality and kindness but under the rule of organisation structure of a company.
And then I think about the people who say I shall quit.
I think, it is easy to meditate in a cave somewhere in the mountains... but is it reality?
Isn't it much more to get up every morning, having a schedule which must be fulfilled, talks with a lot of people who are not spiritual and to push employees, because it is my job, but on the same time be spiritual?
I think everyone has its own way on this planet. And I think it is good to check time by time, if the way to "spirituality" is sometimes a avoiding / a way around of discipline, hard work on your own and support for others without fame or glory...
The most spiritual workers, I found them in a daily life job in silence.
Space and time
And so I close my eyes. And feel my inner life. I feel the smile. My inner world is without light, I closed my eyes. But without the light there is this feeling that smiles. Without pictures there is nothing than feeling. And so what turns out is the truth of my smile. In this room of nothing there is not picture. And when I open my eyes, there are too many. Too many pictures , too many things. And when I am in my dark insight I do not care about the pictures. There are mortal. Illusion in every shine. Illusion lost in time. Nobody cares the day today... nobody will remember me in eternity. My writing my text will be lost time? Why shall I care in a line - millions of years... I see the pictures outside day by day - the illusion in real. Forgotten words, importance of nonsense.
And while I close my eyes, I see. And when I open it I am blind. Blinded by space and time. And still I feel - I feel the smile. The smile of insight.
And there is the door, the door to the real... walking in it in the smile -
can you see?
And while I close my eyes, I see. And when I open it I am blind. Blinded by space and time. And still I feel - I feel the smile. The smile of insight.
And there is the door, the door to the real... walking in it in the smile -
can you see?
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